INSOMNIA

I've been laying awake in bed for hours, about three now, and I'm not really tired at all. I took my seroquel and a few melatonin gummies, but I don't really feel anything.

My body is just awake and I can't really do anything about that.

I have a date tomorrow, and I'm worried I won't be able to focus and be engaged. I hope this mania will get me through tomorrow in exchange for the hours it took from me tonight.

It's rough trying to figure out what to do with this energy when I have it. I always want to make something, but it's hard to follow through on. When it works it's really nice though. Some of the best things I've written have come out of manic episodes.

I think last week really fucked me up. I worked really late quite a few nights and I haven't been functioning super well since then. I hope I can get back to a good baseline soon. I worry about spiraling in these situations, and that's scary.

I guess I should go easier on myself. I have a lot more tools at my disposal than I've had in the past, and a lot more experience using them. I think I can make it out of these disruptions more easily now, but that doesn't make them suck less.